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Archive for June, 2009

Metalscape CXVII

Listener Participation

In a drunken moment of carelessness, I invited a few listeners onto the show to take Ron’s place for the evening. I also tried to stream the show live. This is the result of those experiments…

Metalscape Episode CXVII

Metalscape on IRC

Recently, Metalscape got its own IRC channel on freenode.

theres several ways of connecting to the channel. there is a webclient here. On windows, the most popular client is called mIRC and theres several other clients for Mac and Linux.

for those who’re not using the webclient, the server is and the channel #metalscape.

hopfully we’ll see more people in the channel.

I thought everything was going to be awesome once I got to NICARAGUA…

…but then I got here and found out the only computer in my house is a god damn Mac; a MacBook Pro to be more precise.

So for the next 2 months or so Metalscape, the greatest metal podcast on the planet, will be brought to you entirely Mac-powered.

Excuse me while I go lower the AC temperature again as this fucking notebook is redefining the meaning of “hot to the touch” by the minute.

Terrorizer Takes a Look at “All Shall Fall”

A lucky writer for Terrorizer online got to take a listen to the upcoming new album from Immortal, “All Shall Fall”. James Minton gives a colorful track by track description.

‘All Shall Fall’
Where ‘Sons Of Northern Darkness’ rushes out of the gates like a horse with its arse on fire, the opening title track of the new opus flows like cold molasses with snowy industrial ambience. Then it’s straight into trademark melodic riffs, colder than an Inuit’s snatch with a subtle ‘Hanger 18-esque tone and uplifting ascending chords. There’s deeper vocalisations, thundering, phased guitar and delicately woven leads making this cross between ‘One By One’ and ‘In My Kingdom Cold’ less ‘Sons…’ part two more Immortal 2.0.

Check out the full story here


“I don’t have a can opener”

ITE: Grilled chicken, Nicaraguan Communism, Conan, The Listener Survey, Metalscape Movie Reviews, busless tour, Rusty Cooley, right angles and confusion, fuck insurance, Zach hates history and albino crocs.

Mastodon – Oblivion
Tribulation – Beyond the Horror
Vomitorium Angelis – Averse Sefira
Bombs of Hades – Disrespect Their Bones
Cryptopsy – Dead and Dripping
Tyr – Hold the Heathen Hammer High
Wardruna – Jara
Doomsword – Gergovia

Dusty Tunes
Pulp Tunes
Zach’s Desktop
Zune HD
Rusty Cooley
Pixar vs. Dreamworks

I fucking hate KORPIKLAANI

This song (and video) could not have possibly taken more than 15 minutes to write/record.

“I’m with NUCLEAR BLAST, srs”

According to a press release by Nuclear Blast posted on Lambgoat, there’s a bunch of assholes out there posing as representatives of the record label in order to scam money, merchandise and other stuff from aspiring bands wanting a record deal. Check it out:

You’re an unsigned band playing a local show and someone approaches you claiming to represent Nuclear Blast Records or Metal Blade Records. They say they want to sign you, book studio time for your band, buy you plane tickets, or even put you on Ozzfest, yet no contracts are ever involved. Sound too good to be true? That’s because it is.

There’s been a rash of imposters in several states claiming all of the above and more. Some try to extort money from bands by claiming they need it to place a deposit on whatever it is they’re promising. Others want free entry into a show, free CDs & band merchandise, or backstage access. Whatever the case, what’s clear is that these imposters have such low-self esteem that they’re willing to lie about who they are.

Bands, DO NOT LET YOUR HOPES OF GETTING SIGNED BLINDSIDE YOU. Staff members at Nuclear Blast and Metal Blade:

- conduct official business via their official office e-mail & telephone number.

- can produce a business card with the label’s logo, official office address, and official telephone number.

- NEVER ask unsigned bands for “deposit” money.

Nuclear Blast and Metal Blade Records wish to keep their reputations among metal fans and metal musicians in good standing, as we understand how hard bands work to bring their music to the metal community. These imposters are mocking everything we stand for as independent metal labels, as musicians, and as fans.

If ANYONE approaches your band claiming to be from a label and asks for money, for free entry into a show, free CDs or merchandise, or backstage access, your FIRST response should be to be skeptical.

Call the label asking to verify staff names and positions. Or, take your photo with the imposter/impersonator and send it to the label’s general e-mail address to inform them of what they are promising.

Nuclear Blast’s general e-mail address is:

Metal Blade’s general e-mail address is:

I guess you’d have to be pretty dumb to actually believe some random guy that comes up to you claiming to be a record label rep wanting to sign your band and asking money for it. Then again, with Nuclear Blast signing every single metal band with a Myspace out there, it’s not that far of a stretch.

PROPER Credentials

“So are you like, goth or something?”
“Why yes, here’s my card.”

As seen on Evilpoppy.

KVLT sk8n’

Saw this over at Metalsucks. Fucking awesome:

ALEX STAROPOLI and what you’ve been doing wrong all this time!

I opened my inbox today to delete the usual 2 or 3 spam messages about enlarging my penis when I noticed a startling e-mail, from motherfucking Alex Staropoli himself.
Yes my friends, it was really him. The legendary Keys Player of Doom had written to thank me for my loyalty as a Rhapsody of Fire fan, because through their music they feel a special connection with me.

Alongside writing amazing music he tells me he’s discovered a new passion for helping out bands that are starting out. So in this spirit he’s teamed up with HolyHell guitar player and music career mentor Tom Hess (???) to offer me the ultimate guide to making it in the biz: “Becoming Unforgettable – A Rock Band’s Guide To Image And Branding”.

On that page you will find (along with ordering info) the “9 Deadly Mistakes You Should Avoid To Make Your Rock Band A Big Success”. Most talk about the usual stuff about labels, image and promotion, but mistake #7 struck a resonant chord with me:

Most bands falsely believe that the number of ‘fans’ they have is the holy grail for success. The fact is, it is not the number of ‘fans’ which matters most, it’s the number of FANATICS which will contribute more directly to your success (or lack of it). Bands need to focus more effort on converting existing fans into raving fanatics of the band.

That’s what we’re missing in Metalscape I think. Sure we have some listeners who we might call “fans”, but what we really need are absolutely batshit crazy fanatics. The kind that will give us thousands of dollars just because we’re awesome. Men who would give their lives in the name of Metalscape, women who would throw themselves at us in demented lust. That would really elevate the show to a whole new level. It would also be super awesome.

Anyway, Alex’s tips may not readily apply to podcasts, but I’m sure all you sports fans out there who are in bands might find some wisdom in his guide. Apparently a lot of people have, since there’s a list on that page that features the roster of artists that have been mentored by this Tom Hess guy, none of which I have ever heard of before in my life (except for Rusty Cooley, and if a name like that doesn’t get you attention I don’t know what will).

Look for their ad in “Dragon Rider” magazine.

7 Years and 20 Days and it's finally out!