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Gay luthiers, Guitar Surgery and the birth of RGEM 1.0

I don’t think any of you remember me bitching about a replacement guitar body I ordered from Patrick Sims from the Sims Custom Shop for my Ibanez RG 550, but after 6 months of waiting for what should have been a 1 month job (I frankly thought my money was lost) it finally came in the mail.

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Here’s a warning to my fellow guitar players out there: DO NOT EVER BUY ANYTHING FROM THIS ASSHOLE. He said the job would take 1 month (he was going to paint the body, that takes a while), and he says he’ll start to work as soon as he gets the money. I ask if I can give him half now and half when I get the goods, he says “No”. I’m thinking “well that’s kinda asshole-ish” but whatever, at this point I have a boner just thinking about that beautiful matte-white alder/ash JEM body, so I paypal him the money. If you’re thinking “gg Ron”, you’d be correct.


The month passed by and my guitar body was not here. A bunch of polite e-mails and another month after, he responded that I had not given him an address to send the boy to. So I sent him my address. Then he replies that he was “not quite done with it yet” What the fuck? I ask for a time-frame and I get nothing. I asked for pictures and I got nothing. Another month passes by. And another. Keep in mind that in this time I’m e-mailing him almost everyday, because e-mail is the only way of contact I have since Mr. Sneaky here does not even have the decency to post a business phone number on his gay ass website. Another month passes by and I get an e-mail saying that it “flooded” in his place and that he had lost his internet, but the body should be ready to ship by “next week”. Guess what? Next week came and went and he didn’t ship shit. Another month passed by and after sending a bunch of nasty e-mails I finally gave up. Turns out Mr. Patrick Sims has been ripping off people left and right for a while now, and for those who actually do get the stuff they paid for delivered, it’s always eons beyond the promised date. Paypal was no help since they don’t give a fuck about your money 30 days after the transaction was made. So I was like “fuck me in the ass”. I looked at my RG with its chipped little basswood body and said “Sorry buddy, looks like there’ll be no new body for you”.

So you can understand my surprise when I got an e-mail a few days ago from Mr. Shitbag saying that my body had been shipped. I almost fell out of my chair.

More amazingly, the body actually arrived 2 days after. Aside from a few sanding issues, the body was in pretty sweet shape. I immediately started to work on it. Getting out all of the parts from the old body was easy. Getting them all to fit in the new one, not so much. This dicktrap seems like he went out of his way to make this body as hard to work on as possible. I had to sand, drill and hack away a good portion of the inner body in order to get all the electronics to fit in. Luckily major things like the neck pocket and tremolo cavity were pretty much spot on and the parts just dropped in easily.

I get everything screwed, soldered and slap some strings on it and prepare myself for the incredible pain in the ass known as stringing a guitar equipped with a floating bridge, followed by the pissing stones-like procedure known as tuning a guitar with equipped with a floating bridge. Except I plug the guitar to my tuner and I get no signal. I check the volume knob, cable and output jack and it all seems fine, which leads me to believe that it’s got something to do with my shitty soldering. After 3 days of sanding and cutting and soldering I decided I wasn’t gonna risk it anymore, so I’ll just take it to a tech and have him look at it and tell me how I fucked up. Here’s some more pics as a reward for making it this far into the post:

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I gotta get some covers going on back here.

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I was drilling a hole for one of the tremolo stud posts and I guess my drill decided to go all the way. My drill takes no fucking prisoners.

10 Responses to “Gay luthiers, Guitar Surgery and the birth of RGEM 1.0”
  • Doom says:

    paint looks alright from the pictures. lol @ drilling all the way through.

  • burp says:

    Monkey grip is for fags.

  • ronz says:

    Yo fuck you diminished. The Monkey Grip rulesyour ass.

  • Matt B. says:

    After dealing with Patrick (and reading about other dealings with him), I refuse to do business with any custom builder/painter that will not start a job before receiving payment in full. I’m glad everything worked out for you. Patrick almost always comes through but you go through hell and high water to get there. Too much drama.

  • This content is constructed for thinking readers. I found this to be interesting, for lack of a better word and contains excellent points. Thank you.

  • buy traffic says:

    You’ve brought up some really great points. I think you have a lot of vision and I can understand how you think. Really great writing.

  • David says:

    Looks like one of your springs is covered in the blood of the baby you had to sacrifice to get your guitar back. ;-)

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