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Archive for the ‘Ron’s Furnace of Limitless Hate’ Category

Which music player do you use?

As of a couple hours ago, I’m sitting in front of a freshly formatted computer. That’s right, after a couple of years of general “meh” towards my computer’s performance, I decided to take action and nuked all my partitions, dropped a new 1 TB drive for all my porn I mean music and a fresh install of Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit for good measure. I also plan to dual boot me some linux too.

Anyway, I’m pretty excited riding this wave of transcendental changes in my computing experience, so I decided to try new and unknown things to me. For instance, long are the Firefox days; I’ve been using Chrome for the past few hours and it feels nice. Got a couple of extensions, (which funnily enough, were made for Firefox converts) and now it seems like the Google browser and I have known each other forever. I’m still kinda weirded out by the way it handles downloads, in a separate tab and all. But I do think there’s advantages in that. What I still can’t forgive and never will is the name. Why “Chrome”? Why? Is it some terribly smart inside joke I’m not getting or is it just lame?

So following in the same spirit, I decided to ditch iTunes in favor of something new and cool. It’s not that I hate iTunes, the software actually does a pretty good job of keeping your library organized and allows you to make playlists very easily. Also there’s the fact that it’s the only application that supports syncing to my iPod without too much fuss. But I do hate the fact that it’s made by those Apple bastards. Besides, surely there must be something better out there right?

I went over to the legendary Winamp website to try and see what was what, and decided to get the fuck out of there when I read that the free version won’t allow full speed CD ripping and recording. It’s limited to 2x. What the shit? So I said fuck this and then downloaded Songbird because hey, these Mozilla dudes did the Firefox thing and it was good. Turns out that in order to go to the next song on this crap you have to press Ctrl+Right Arrow. What kind of asshole thought of that? Sure, let’s have them press another key why not. There’s not even a way to change the hot keys. Jesus. I downloaded foobar2000 as well since that shit’s supposed to be the geek’s music player, and I’ve always thought of myself as a somewhat computer-literate person, but this shit is ridiculous. I spent the first 10 minutes trying to add a song to my library, and then another 10 trying to play it.

So what the fuck? Am I destined to forever suffer from Steve Jobs appearing every night in my dreams telling me that there’s a new fucking update for iTunes that’s like 840 MB big with no noticeable impact on the application or is there truly a good music player out there? Help me out dudes.

I fucking hate people that wear caps indoors


Simple as that. I fucking hate them. And most of the time they turn out to be either assholes or complete fucking morons. This is 100% accurate. Want to identify the asshole/moron at your next gathering? Look for the dipshit wearing the cap.

The hat, cap or whatever other device worn on the head to protect your face from the sun is a utilitarian one. I’m not saying they can’t be aesthetically pleasing, but you never do see some dude wearing his motorcycle helmet to frat parties. And you will never catch me with my fucking hard hat on at Wacken. Although if I put some horns on that shit that would be kinda cool. Construction Viking? Think about it. They had to build ships and shit.

Back to the point: I hate these bastards. Fucking caps are now a fashion accessory. It’s even worse when they wear them at night. Indoors. THERE’S NO SUN MOTHERFUCKER TAKE IT OFF! “nah bro is cool ma caps is dope”.

Everytime you wear a cap indoors, or at night, or both, a homeless child in Nicaragua gets skin cancer in the face by the relentless third world sun. He wishes he had a cap. Because he needs one. Not just to put it on his head because it “looks cool”.

Fuckers.

Devin Townsend: Deconstrupdate 1

Devin “I can’t seem to post shit online fast enough” Townsend has now posted the first video documenting the recording process of the third album in his planned “Devin Townsend Project” 4-album series, titled “Deconstruction”. Here it is:

Very entertaining watch as usual, and it should come as no surprise since for the past year or so, Mr. Townsend has honed his internet media skills by posting anything and everything that crosses his mind on twitter, Facebook, youtube and maybe even MySpace.

Seriously, I can’t think of a single day when I don’t get a fresh new update from The Dev regarding his meals, movie watching experiences or spiritual enlightenment. Maybe he should cut that back a little and try to focus on the actual music, because honestly,┬áits been kinda whack as of late.

Ever since he started releasing these preview videos containing actual song bits or demos, the music in them sounds pretty cool. Then the album comes out and you realize all the cool parts were in that preview. Not cool. And now this new video comes out with the same song bits and stuff, but without the cool. There isn’t a single riff/melody/sound on this video that I could qualify as “good”. Not even “interesting”. Is this a sign of worse things to come? Because I was promised the heaviest metal album of all time, not some rehashed “Addicted” album with a different drummer and a faster tempo.

Let’s hope I’m wrong, but as of right now, I’m officially not excited for “Deconstruction” anymore. Maybe “Ghost” will be good? I don’t know. In the meantime, I’ll go check my twitter, which is more than likely overtaken with what I like to call “Devin Townsend’s Mind Farts”.

Odin’s Ethical Axioms


Or “Odin’s Ethical Principles” (correct me if I’m wrong here Sheriff) is Norwegian Svart Metallers-Gone Prog Enslaved’s latest album, and according to our very own wayward soul Fungar, the thing is a “fucking mini-masterpiece”. It strikes me as odd that Fungar would allow himself to pass on judgement on metal music, because being such a devoted and long standing Metalscape fan himself, he should know that the only person with the right mindset to entertain such pretentious ego bolstering stunts is me. And only me. You got that, Fungar? Ok then, let’s procede.

First off, Internet, the first instance of Enslaved going prog dates back to the amazing intro for 793 (Slaget Om Lindisfarne) off of 1997′s “Eld”. When did 2003′s “Below the Lights” came into play as the official transition from black metal to prog? I have no idea.

Now, the album. I’ll tell you one thing, I fucking love Enslaved. Stuff like Storre Enn Tid, Tyngre Enn Natt and the entirety of the “Monumension” album are just things of unrivaled epicness in the assumed realm of black/prog metal. “Axioma Ethica Odini” is not. It’s as simple as that.

I don’t know why every review I’ve read for this album gets off by saying that this is some sort of masterpiece or fantastical voyage through music. I mean, it’s not a bad album, but as far as “masterpieces” go, I don’t think it quite fits the bill. There’s a few moments in the album where the music rises above the “meh” and dips its feet into the upside down pool of the “cool”, but to tell me that the thing is a riveting, exhilarating mindfuck from beggining to end with a straight face is a disservice to you, me, Enslaved and music.

You want the quasi-prog Enslaved’s been content with doing ever since Isa? Go ahead and get this album. You want music that would fit these reviews? Go listen to Convoys of Nothingness off of “Monumension”.

Also, Enslaved, I’m not too happy with the blatant Yes ripoff. You know what I’m talking about.

At The Edge of Maybe I’ll like this one?

Blind Guardian always seemed like one of those bands I ought to like. After all, I’m a fan of pretty much every other big name power metal outfit (except the palm mute fest that is Iced Earth; Seriously guys, it doesn’t sound cool anymore if that’s all you do in a song), and Blind Guardian being one of the biggest it should be a given for me. But it’s not.

Why not you ask? Well, even though most of the time there are no rational reasons behind my hatred for certain things (like people who wear caps indoors), I have a particular list of items that compose my diagnosed dislike for this band. First off is the sound itself. It seems that whoever produces their albums has a passionate hatred for the high end side of the sonic spectrum, seeing as every Blind Guardian album sounds like every frequency above 10k Hz was nuked to oblivion. Secondly, there’s the guitar tone and harmonies. Why is it that this band’s guitar solos sound like some sort of Jordan Rudess-rejected synthesizer patch? It’s even worse when they do their godawful harmonies in which they love to throw these string bends that sound like someone’s choking an 8 bit sound cat sample. Take a listen to some proper guitar sound guys, stuff like Stratovarius or Angra, hear the difference? That’s what you call tone. And third and last, there’s the big issue of the music itself. Boring, uninspired, generic. I don’t really get how some people love this band to death when they have such plain-jane vanilla compositions. That one song from “Nightfall” is cool (don’t remember the name), but that’s it. This rational hatred is the best kind though (or the worse, depending on your point of view), because as rational as it got construed, it can equally be brought down.

That’s why I gave this new Blind Guardian album, “At the Edge of Time” the benefit of the doubt. It got exciting reviews all around, some people calling it “their best since ‘Nightfall’ ” and stuff. So I went ahead and listened to it, in hopes that I might join in what countless others were already basking in. But, as you may have already guessed by now, it didn’t go down that way. The entire preceding paragraph still holds true for this newest Blind Guardian album. More to the point: It sucks. Boring, tedious and terrible sounding. Listening to this album is like being dragged with a rope tied around your arms by a confused donkey along an endless stretch of desert while some asshole dressed in a court jester outfit sitting atop your head farts on your right ear.

I was going to write a review for this, but I decided against it since I can’t really review an album which draws absolutely no interest from me. Fuck it.

Easter at the Wordless Chamber


I never really got the Easter traditions in the US. What’s with the eggs? Wait they got candy in them? Is that a giant rabbit? In any other christian country that has a real culture, like Nicaragua, you would just go to church and then revel in the fact that your lord and savior has risen from the dead.

I woke up about an hour ago, and I’m finishing my listening session of the latest Metalscape episode. Turned out pretty good. Very good actually. It seems the show is always invigorated by long pauses in its output. Definitely check it out. As for the rest of the day, I plan on to celebrate the rest of Holy Sunday by doing some more laundry and vacuuming my room. No gods are allowed inside the Wordless Chamber and their customs have no place in here.

So what are your plans for today?

FUCK Gibson

If you’re a registered member of the greatest forum on earth you will have more than once noticed the incredibly gay Google ads we have at the top of the main page. I mean, they’re not always bad, but when they are they truly redefine “bad”. Although lately, Google seems to only have pictures of their phone on there 24/7.

I was browsing the forums today when one such ad caught my attention. It was about something called “Dusk Tiger”, and it had the Gibson guitars logo on it. Color me intrigued, because I clicked it. And holy shit, this is where it took me:

If you’re thinking “hm, I’ve never been to the Gibson website because honestly, fuck Gibson and their guitars, but it feels like I’ve seen this before…”, this is your answer:

What the fuck Gibson? If it wasn’t for Apple whoring out the iPad like it was Jesus with a touchscreen, your website would identical to theirs. It’s got the same width, color scheme, button style and layout. Although it actually looks more like a previous version of Apple’s site, it’s still fucked up. If it weren’t for that bitching tiger they got on there, I would have straight up just punched my monitor to make it go away.

And while we’re on it, Dusk Tiger? What the fuck kinda stupid name is that? Notice how they don’t even call it a guitar at first, simply “Dusk Tiger”. Great job Gibson, you named a product after a big cat (LIKE APPLE DOES WITH THEIR OPERATING SYSTEMS OMGZZZZZ).

By the way, that’s the stupidest fucking guitar I’ve ever seen. Leave it to Gibson, the guitar company for douchebags (seriously, the only guitarist who has played a Les Paul and was not a gigantic douchebag was Mr. Les Paul himself), to come up with the most useless piece of shit ever and call it “redefining”. Who the fuck wants to have a goddamn computer inside their guitar running on board EQs, independent string outputs, piezos, robot tuners and other crazy bullshit? Idiots, that’s who. If you need all that shit on your guitar to play interesting music then you’re doing something wrong. Also, the damn thing looks like the bastard son of a Les Paul and a $10 hooker with some god awful chrome shit slapped on it. Most guitars have the unique ability to make the guitar player look twice as cool a regular dude without a guitar; I think Dusk Tiger would have the exact opposite effect. Jesus Christ is it ugly. And here’s the punch line: It’s $4,128.

Spring Break at the Wordless Chamber


SPRING BREAK!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!

Right? Well not so much for me. In a time usually reserved for all out partying and getting st00pid (traditionally), I am instead sitting here writing on the Greatest Metal Podcast of all Time’s blog. In other years I would fly back to Nicaragua during this precious week, but alas, my economic situation is such that I can’t really afford a plane ticket right now, so I’ll be staying in the US this time.

Back in the homeland, I would probably be waking up right now with a slight hangover to the sound of my sister’s dogs running about the house. Instead, I woke up about 2 hours ago to the sound of my alarm clock. I don’t really have any friends in this here country, so most of this week will be spent being by my lonesome, deep in the Wordless Chamber. I do have a few things I want to do that haven’t been possible in regular school time; like record this song I’ve been playing in my head for a while now, catch up on my biking/gym sessions, finish putting together my RGEM and look harder for an internship.

As far as Metalscape goes, I have no idea if Zach will ever come back on. Last episode was pretty awesome content-wise, but it also showed that he’s really not into it at all anymore. Remember giddy ol’ Zach excited about telling us about some new freeware software that organizes your .mp3s? Yeah that’s gone to shit. So I’ll be doing MSRs in the meantime. Join me tomorrow night, Sunday, if you want to get in on the action.

So how will you be spending your Spring Break?

MESHUGGAH DVD now available at… Hot Topic?

It seems Meshuggah are bent on really making me hate them. Not content with releasing a shit, shit album, they had to go on and make their first ever live DVD from material recorded during their tour for their shit, shit album. And now to top it all off, they’ve made a deal with Hot Topic it seems, where the only place you can get the fucking DVD is at their stores. As an alternative, the DVD is also available online, at hotmotherfuckingtopic.com.

That’s just fantastic Meshuggah. How about this stunt for your next release, ready? Ok so the first thing you do is shit out a retarded album in like 2 weeks, call it “LaLwZeN” and then you get Nuclear Blast to get a hold of Disney or something, so you guys can have a spot in a Hannah Montana episode. Next thing you know, you’ll be making your own Disney musical! And why stop there? After that maybe one of you guys can have a role in the next Twilight movie! Next you can try releasing a sex tape! That’s when you land your very own reality show on MTV “Shuggah!”, get pregnant/on drugs/divorced to keep you in the spotlight and you’re set for life. What about the music you say? Don’t worry, Nuclear Blast will simply keep releasing “LaLwZeN” with a different cover art every six months and that will keep all your 16 year old girl fans happy.

Oh yeah, Arsis is doing the same thing too.

ELUVEITIE: “LoL new album gice”

“Everything Remains as the same garbage we’ve been churning out after halfway our first album (as it never should have been)” is now streaming at Eluveitie’s Myspace. Yeah you got me, that’s not the real title of the Swiss “New Wave of Folk Metal” band’s new album, but that’s what it essentially is. Just when you thought that the by now rotting carcass of what was once the dead horse that is Eluveitie’s particular brand of “new wave” folk metal could not possibly be beaten any further, these guys prove you otherwise.

Don’t believe me? Here’s a new video for their track “Thousandfold”:

Here’s a serious question: Who is the more ridiculous band, Eluveitie or Van Canto? Is it Eluveitie because they think they can pass the crap they’re doing as “folk metal” or Van Canto, who have one drummer and 4 or 6 dudes doing guitar riffs with their voices? That’s a tough one. Thanks to forum member qqq for the heads up.

TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!!!
7 Years and 20 Days and it's finally out!