I was browsing the forums today when one such ad caught my attention. It was about something called “Dusk Tiger”, and it had the Gibson guitars logo on it. Color me intrigued, because I clicked it. And holy shit, this is where it took me:

If you’re thinking “hm, I’ve never been to the Gibson website because honestly, fuck Gibson and their guitars, but it feels like I’ve seen this before…”, this is your answer:

What the fuck Gibson? If it wasn’t for Apple whoring out the iPad like it was Jesus with a touchscreen, your website would identical to theirs. It’s got the same width, color scheme, button style and layout. Although it actually looks more like a previous version of Apple’s site, it’s still fucked up. If it weren’t for that bitching tiger they got on there, I would have straight up just punched my monitor to make it go away.

And while we’re on it, Dusk Tiger? What the fuck kinda stupid name is that? Notice how they don’t even call it a guitar at first, simply “Dusk Tiger”. Great job Gibson, you named a product after a big cat (LIKE APPLE DOES WITH THEIR OPERATING SYSTEMS OMGZZZZZ).

By the way, that’s the stupidest fucking guitar I’ve ever seen. Leave it to Gibson, the guitar company for douchebags (seriously, the only guitarist who has played a Les Paul and was not a gigantic douchebag was Mr. Les Paul himself), to come up with the most useless piece of shit ever and call it “redefining”. Who the fuck wants to have a goddamn computer inside their guitar running on board EQs, independent string outputs, piezos, robot tuners and other crazy bullshit? Idiots, that’s who. If you need all that shit on your guitar to play interesting music then you’re doing something wrong. Also, the damn thing looks like the bastard son of a Les Paul and a $10 hooker with some god awful chrome shit slapped on it. Most guitars have the unique ability to make the guitar player look twice as cool a regular dude without a guitar; I think Dusk Tiger would have the exact opposite effect. Jesus Christ is it ugly. And here’s the punch line: It’s $4,128.

I was waiting for Apple to release a 60 something GB version of the touch as I deemed 30 GBs was simply not enough. And while I probably should’ve waited a little longer until they release a 120 GB version, having the money burning a hole in your pocket to make the purchase immediately is a very hard thing to resist. So 64 GBs it was.

While my hatred for Apple and all their god damned brainless minions is very well known, I will admit that their line of iPod portable music players is a rather fine accomplishment. This here iPod Touch is friggin’ awesome. Just the gorgeous screen alone is worthy enough to deserve my praise. As I was telling Zachary earlier this week, “It’s like an oasis of pixels amidst my barren, analog life”. And then you have the wi-fi connectivity and the apps which both combined provide an incredibly vast range of content. It’s safe to say that I’m pretty happy with it.

I have of course jailbroken it already and I’m enjoying all the benefits the hack brings. I got Christina as my background in lieu of the usual black and I even designed my own icons to use on the dock (they’re smaller and less intrusive, which allow me to have more screen real estate to drool at). So yeah, I know some of you in the Horde have Touches, so if you have any app recommendations or any other tips, feel free to share.

So for the next 2 months or so Metalscape, the greatest metal podcast on the planet, will be brought to you entirely Mac-powered.

Excuse me while I go lower the AC temperature again as this fucking notebook is redefining the meaning of “hot to the touch” by the minute.